Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
