hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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