Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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