His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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