I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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