man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize