I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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