He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
