Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
