If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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