I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
