did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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