Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
