I wanna passion pit in your ass
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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