Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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