you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
