we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
