i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
