The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
