i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize