So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
porn star boner night. come get it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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