and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
