Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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