For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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