Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize