halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
