More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
