Jerry, you need to find god
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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