my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just cropdusted the office
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
