i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
