i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
