Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
