Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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