I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
