i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
