I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
