sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
