3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
