its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
