I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize