I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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