I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
