Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
COCAINE IS GR8
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