how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
