worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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