sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
