we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
