it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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