I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
