i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
