When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
