i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
