I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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