I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
