Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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