If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
