My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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