did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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