My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize