My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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