The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
