The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
