I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
