somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
