She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
