My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
